The Sexual Cycle of New York Nightlife

By Gamal Hennessy

Nightlife is an atmosphere that revolves around sexuality. It is, in fact, a metaphor for sexuality on a city wide scale. You can understand the energy and flow of a New York night by examining it through the lens of a single sexual encounter. Looking at the night this way can help you figure out where, when and how you want to fit in.

Flirting: 4 - 7 p.m.
A typical New York night starts here with office workers moving directly from their boardrooms and cubicles to booths and bars stools. Drinks are normally cheaper during this period and the nightlife population skews to an older out of town set. Bars and some lounges are open, but the clubs will still be closed. Corporate events often start during this period, since it is relatively easy to get commuters to stop in for a few drinks before they need to catch their train home. Everyone here gets to play a little without doing anything that might make them feel really guilty.

Foreplay: 7 - 10 p.m.
As the drink specials end, many venues develop a vibe that is more about entertainment than social interaction. People park themselves in front of huge flat screens and watch different sports depending on the time of year. The musically inclined can catch live shows from every style of music in venues ranging from tiny piano bars to huge clubs. Late night oriented patrons often start their night here as well, eating, grabbing the first few drinks of the night and scoping out potential playmates.

Intercourse: 10 p.m. – 12 a.m.
Lounges are often in full swing now. You’ll find couples there who have transitioned their dinner date into drinks. Post game and post concert crowds will be basking in the after glow of their respective events. People start to loosen up as the drinks flow and the energy increases. Many clubs open their doors at 10 p.m., but the spaces are often empty for the first couple of hours, especially on the weekends. This is the time when serious dancers get the floor to themselves while hustlers and operators settle in for a night’s work.

Climax: midnight – 2 a.m.
If the promoter, doorman, DJ, bartenders and other operators have done their jobs then the venue is full by 12:30. This is the period when the population of the nightlife environment is at its height. You can see it inside the clubs and in front of many venues as people smoke and stand on line still trying to get in. Whether the main activity of the night is dancing, drinking, flashing cash, flirting, hooking up or just watching, it’s happening now or it might not happen at all. This is the period of release that often makes the whole experience worthwhile. The energy of the city is on full display here, stripping away any illusions about why we go out.


After play 2 a.m. – 4 a.m.
At a certain point in the evening, the energy starts to ebb. While many spots are still in full swing, a large number of patrons start to make their way for the exits. Maybe it’s because the Red Bull starts to wear off. Maybe it’s because her feet start killing her from dancing in four inch stilettos all night. Maybe he’s too drunk to stand up. Maybe it’s because questionable sexual decisions are being made through the haze of beer goggles. Maybe it’s because 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. are the periods when venues are required to close according to the terms of their liquor license. Whatever the reason, the message is clear; you don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here. Warning: This can be a clumsy, awkward and ugly time if you don’t really know what you are doing.

Separation: 4 a.m. – 8 a.m.
Nightlife fragments in the early morning hours. For those who still have some party left in them, this is the time to hit the after hours spot. For those who have a long commute back home, this is the time to make your way back to the outer boroughs and adjacent states. For operators and the very hungry it’s time to hit the diner. For anyone who left the club with someone they shouldn’t have, it’s time for the walk of shame. By the time this period is over most, but not all, nightlife people have given the city back to the working world. The night is over and its time to head back to reality.

Brunch: 8 a.m. – 4 p.m.
The rising sun doesn’t necessarily mean the end of the party. Brunch is the new nightlife in New York. Whether you are just getting started after a good night’s sleep or you are still out from the night before you can find breakfast, bloody marys, music and mimosas. At this point, nightlife brunch isn’t a huge phenomenon. Many people allow trivial things like sleep, work and normal life to intrude on what would otherwise be a 24 party. But if you don’t have to work, you might as well keep playing.

Of course, these are guidelines not rules. Some people start the pre-game drinking at noon. Some people are doing the walk of shame at 9 p.m. As with actual sex, some people decide to leave out some steps. But the majority of nightlife flows in this pattern. A nightlife native can jump in or out at any point of the night on any night of the week. She could even engage in the 24 hour marathon that is New York’s continuous nightlife cycle, but this isn’t recommended for most of us. Nightlife is a metaphor for sex and sex can be amazing all the time, but we all need our beauty sleep.

Have fun.
G

Why Do You Go Out at Night?

By Gamal Hennessy

(Adapted from the upcoming book Seize the Night)

If you are a sane individual then you usually have reasons for doing the things you do. You go to work to make money. You eat because you’re hungry. You fall asleep on the train because you’re tired. You may not consciously know why you do certain things, but if you stop and think about it, you can usually figure out the reason.

So why do you go out at night? It can deprive you of sleep, money and the chance to watch reality TV. If you spend time in bars and clubs, you put in time, money and energy. Do you get anything out of it?

I think there are as many reasons for going out as there are people who go out. After years of non-scientific, anecdotal, and random observation, I’ve devised eight broad categories to explain our motivations. Seven of them can be lumped under the concept of “having fun,” and one is almost a burden (but still much better than being in the office). Take a look and figure out which category fits you best.

Acceptance (The group we belong to):
Many of us have feelings and lifestyles that don’t fit the image of what is “normal” in American society. Maybe it is the way we want to dress or the way we want to act or who we are attracted to. When you go out during the day, you have to hide it. When you’re at home with your family, you might have to repress it. But you can find a party or a scene in nightlife with people who see the world in ways that are similar to yours. And that can make the rest of your existence much more bearable.

Consumption (The things we take in):
For some people, it’s beer. For others, it’s dirty martinis. Some of us want to eat sumptuous food and some of us want things that perpetuate the war on drugs. It doesn’t really matter what your particular poison is, a big part of nightlife is about eating, drinking and smoking freely. The reason specialty venues like wine bars, micro brew bars and hookah bars do so well because we are willing to pay good money to satisfy our hunger to imbibe.

Connection (The people we meet):
You can meet a friend at a bar for a drink when she wants to talk. You can go out for happy hour after work with your co-workers to bitch about your boss. You can have girls’ night out or you can cruise the hotel bars looking for cougars. Humans are social creatures. We have a need to connect with one another. At work and at home, you are constrained in your behavior and limited as to the people you can interact with. When you go out, the walls come down. You can talk and act more freely. You can meet people for a minute or forge bonds that last for years. The connections might be intense or shallow, but the energy is different at night than it is during the day.

Entertainment (The things we see and hear):
The chance to see, hear or feel something is a huge part of nightlife. You might be listening to an unknown comic one night and be part of the insane crowds at a Danny Tenaglia concert the next night. Nightlife entertainment can be something as innocent as watching a baseball game at a local bar or as corrupt as the champagne room at a local strip club (actually, it can get much worse than that, but you get the idea). It’s been said that one man’s pornogrpahy is another man’s art, and no time is that more true than at night. What you want to see and hear at night actually says a lot about how you see yourself as a person.

Flash (The wealth we display):
There are people who want to be seen spending big money on bottle service. They want you to see their Mercedes SUV. The idea of getting a discount or going to happy hour makes them cringe. Why? Because they are living the glamorous life and they want you to know it. Consumption here isn’t as important as being able to afford the consumption. If you have the money (or just want to look as if you do) you want the car, the clothes and the Grey Goose. What better place to display your status than in the club?

Obligation (The social debt):
There are times we go out when we don’t really want to. Your client is in town from Kansas. Someone has to take them out. Tag, you’re it. Your girlfriend’s brother is having a birthday party. She’s going, so you’re going. Tag, you’re it. Your friend just got fired, dumped or rejected for the cast of Real World 37. He or she wants you to meet them for a drink. Tag, you’re it. This is the only reason for going out that might not be much fun, but compared to being stuck in your office or bored at home, it’s not that bad, is it?

Release (The temporary escape):
Sometimes you need a break. You can’t sit in your cubical anymore. If your boss calls you one more time about TPS reports, you’re going to cut someone. You’ve tried to like Glee and it’s just not working for you. You need to dance. You need to spend time with your friends. You need to get away from the desk, the Blackberry and the TV for a few hours. Going out isn’t as long as a vacation, but you don’t have to be frisked by Homeland Security to get into the club.

Sex (The common theme):
Expressions of sexuality can be found in almost every aspect of nightlife. The clothing is tighter and more revealing. The conversation has more carnal energy. Inhibitions are lowered with alcohol. The movements on the dance floor don’t leave anything to the imagination. Nightlife is a sexual metaphor on a city wide scale. It can be simple or elaborate, fun or dangerous, satisfying or forgettable, mysterious or revealing, expensive or cheap. Whatever the experience, sexuality is the main reason why so many people keep coming back night after night.

Nightlife is a cultural setting that can be many things to many people. What you find when you go out depends a lot on what you’re looking for. The magic of New York nightlife is that, no matter what you are looking for, you can find the spot or the scene that fits your tastes. All you have to do is find it.

Have fun.
G

Cellar 58, Marquee and Lounge Poker

The New York Nights Club Report for July 9, 2009
Compiled by Gamal Hennessy

Opening
Cellar 58
(Thrillist)
A haven for rare wine opens in NoHo.

Issues
Marquee

(Village Voice)
The iconic club has been linked to a sexual assault…

Trends
Lounge Poker

(Black Book)
The speakeasy trend is bringing back more than specialty cocktails. Card games are breaking out all over the city…

Beer Cocktails
(New York Times)
If you can never decide between a beer and a cocktail, now you can have both…

Opinion

Best Strip Clubs

If you’re looking for a better quality of pole dancer, look no further…

Have fun.

Gamal

Beekman, Elsa, Greenhouse, Marquee and Rick’s

The NYN Club Report for November 19, 2008

Opening
Beekman Bar and Books
(Thrillist)
High class libations and a strict dress code are at home here.

Greenhouse
(Urban Daddy)
Meet the latest fad in eco-consciousness…the green nightclub.

Elsa
(Martini Boys)
The Lower East Side takes another step toward respectability.

New Year’s Eve
Marquee
(New York Observer)
The Chelsea staple won’t be able to stay open past 4:00 AM on Jan. 1.

Financial Reports
Rick’s Cabaret
(Earth Times)
Sex sells…even in a recession.

Have fun.
Gamal

Houndstooth, M Lounge and the New York Comedy Festival

The NYN Club Report for October 16, 2008
Compiled by Gamal Hennessy

Events
The New York Comedy Festival (November 6-9)
A-list comics take over venues across the city next month

Opening
Houndstooth
(Shecky’s)
A new neighborhood bar and event space opens in the Garment District

M Lounge
(Thrillist)
A late night lounge opens above Megu

Personalities
David Rabin
(Black Book)
An interview with the President of the New York Nightlife Association that coincided with the New York Food and Wine Festival

Sex
Hawaiian Tropic Zone
(UPI)
Supervisors at the midtown tourist spot are accused of forcing female employees into sex.

Have fun.
G

Why is New York Dating So Hard?

By Gamal Hennessy

New York is teeming with singles who want to date but dating in New York is often described as a complicated and stressful process. Like other aspects of city living, dating here can be ultra competitive, expensive and full on mental, emotional and physical turmoil. What is it about dating in general and the New York dating scene in particular that makes it so difficult? Is this something we can change?

Personal Issues: Before you can go out there and enjoy the dating scene, you need to take a look at what you bring to the table in terms of expectations, goals and personal baggage. Lindsay Gebhart, a columnist for The New York Examiner says that if you have a superiority complex or you don’t do well in social situations or you are in any other way a “hot mess”, you can’t expect dating to go well for you. And even if you have your life together, you have to deal with potentially obnoxious, socially inept or overbearing individuals once you’re out there and separating the wheat from the chaff can become an occupation in its own right.

Uncontrolled Social Stress: Women engaging in modern courtship have developed certain defense mechanisms to ward off undesirable suitors. Personally, you have learned ways to discourage and reject men who don’t appeal to you. A girl’s social circle can also provide powerful protection from approaching men. Finally, the insecurity and nervousness within men often prevents an initial meeting from even being attempted. Authors like Neil Strauss have made a career out of teaching men to bypassing these social walls. While these defenses are necessary to survive in the modern dating scene, they are often used out of reflex, not out of actual need. You might not be able to turn them off, even if you wanted to.

Economic Issues: If personal issues and your social defenses weren’t enough to worry about, money also provides a big challenge in New York dating. Recent studies from Forbes have suggested that New York suffers as a city for singles to date in because the cost of living and dating is so high. The current economic slowdown only intensifies this situation. Whether you are dating for love, money or fun, a lack of disposable income from both people’s perspective can have a major effect on your dating options.

Safety Issues: Finally, in rare occasions dating in New York can be dangerous. HIV rates are up. Condom use is down here. Although crime is down overall in New York City, personal safety is always an issue, especially with a person that you actually know. It’s hard to let your hair down if you feel that you need to constantly looking over your shoulder.

The New York Dating Mind: Issues of psychology, social barriers, economics, and safety are a part of dating everywhere and the situation becomes even more complex when religion, family interaction, career, pre-existing children and past relationships enter into the picture. But New York might be different primarily because of the perception that many of us bring to it.

New York is the business capital of the world. This mentality spills into our dating scene, making the whole process less about pleasure and more about business. If you go into it from a business mentality, as if every date was a due diligence assignment for a possible merger or acquisition, then dating is work. If you don’t like work, then dating this way is hard.

If you go out on a date to enjoy yourself, then you can enjoy yourself. Yes, dating will still be complicated. Yes, there are things to watch out for. No, every date won’t be fun. But it can be a part of your life that you enjoy instead of being another job. You can’t change the factors that make New York dating complex, but you can change the way you look at the experience and doing that can change how much you enjoy it.

Have fun.
G

Tell us what you think about this article. Leave a comment and speak your mind…

Pride Week: A View from the Outside…

…or Why I Can’t Be a Lesbian

By Gamal Hennessy

I’m not a lesbian. I spent time among lesbians, in their bars and at their parties. I submitted an application and studied for the entrance exam. I had good recommendations from respected and accomplished lesbians. I loved women and I was eager to learn more. I didn’t know it at the time, but I even shared the same brain structure with lesbians.

Even with all this going for me…I failed.

Some would assume I was rejected based on anatomy. I actually think I just couldn’t handle the social pressure.

Some would assume I was rejected based on anatomy. I actually think I just couldn’t handle the social pressure.

There are internal pressures in the lesbian community that I refer to as the “small town” effect. It’s like dating someone in your office, or dating someone in a small town where everyone knows everyone else. The only difference here is that you really can’t quit your job or move out of this town.

Let me clarify; there are only so many lesbians and only so many places lesbians go to meet other lesbians. The community isn’t large, even in a city as big as New York. So if you’re a lesbian, almost every girl you meet already has a connection to you, even if you have never heard of them. They’re already friends, enemies, current lovers or ex-lovers of one your friends, enemies or current lovers or ex-lovers. There is no clean slate. You can’t separate her from her social situation. When you meet her, you have to quickly try and figure out where she fits in the fluid and Byzantine arrangement of women.

If you hook up or date, you might start to share friends and enemies, which can be disconcerting if former friends are no longer welcomed or former enemies are now OK. If and when you break up, the whole structure shifts. New barriers go up, former friendships are strained and who is going to show up at what party now becomes a source of stress as everyone tries to adjust to changing circumstances. Multiply this several hundred times and my little brain can’t handle all the permutations.

Before I submitted my application, I took for granted my ability to date someone who had no connection to me. I could project whatever persona would appeal to her without my past indiscretions getting back to her from someone else. When we broke up, my circle of friends was intact. That doesn’t work here.

Now you can see why I’m not a lesbian. I’m just not smart enough.

Keep in mind I’m not even including the external social pressures on lesbians or the normal issues of education, money, religion, family upbringing and social standing that make any long term relationship difficult. It is a wonder that anyone lasts for any amount of time in this system. This situation might be similar with gay men and bisexuals, but I don’t have any first hand observation of this.

I have witnessed ways around the small town effect, although they are not universally effective. She can find someone hundreds of miles away from where she lives. This will remove her from the network and allow for a relationship to grow without the pressure I just described. The only problem here is the pressure of a long distance relationship replaces the small town effect. She can go online, but the online and offline worlds overlap. The small town effect might just invade her laptop so she can’t escape even if she stays home.

There are girls who make this work and are enjoying the lesbian dating scene in spite of the pressure that we put on them and that they put on themselves. I applaud them for being able to do it. I know I’m just not qualified.

Happy Pride Week
G

CBGB, Kalua, and the Best Sex Spots

The Club Report for April 10, 2008

Where Does Nightlife End and the Sex Trade Begin?

An Editorial by Gamal Hennessy

A Primer for Meeting People

By Gamal Hennessy

The Third Article in our Love & Lust Issue Tackles the Eternal Dilemma of Meeting a Prospective date.

Cougars, Connections and Giuliani's Other Failure (Nightlife News)

Nightlife News for February 5th, 2008
By Gamal Hennessy

Dating
Turning the tables on the Sugar Daddy
Robert Campbell: Reuters
The image of an older man dating a younger woman isn’t that unusual. Using money and status and pursue a younger woman is also an accepted social practice. But what happens when the tables are turned? How do we view older women who use money, experience and status to pick up younger men?

Government
Is Times Square Smut Free? Not Really.
Keith Richberg: Washington Post
When Rudy Giuliani ran for President his main claim to fame was his experience as Mayor of New York. He was here during 9/11, so he should be President in a dangerous new world. He stopped crime and cleaned up the smut on 42nd Street, so he had the moral character to be President. But the reality of the situation could be that Giuliani didn’t mastermind the purity of 42nd Street and even if he did plan it, he didn’t succeed in cleaning the place up…

Special Announcement
New York Nights Adds Connections to the Magazine
Gamal Hennessy: New York Nights

New York Nights readers are being given the first chance to join a new social network devoted to nightlife. The service is called Connections and it is available starting this month.

Use the Logo to read more on these stories…only from New York Nights

Learn to Enjoy Your Office Holiday Party

The office holiday party is a modern tradition in corporate America that is often more obligation than celebration. But if you work it the right way you can have some fun. We’ve got 7 easy expert suggestions on how to make the most of the night and avoid an uncomfortable conversation with your boss the next day. Use the image to read our Enjoy the Holiday Party article.

Only from New York Nights

Sex, Drugs, Rock & Roll (Nightlife News)

Nightlife News for October 16th, 2007

Madonna’s New Deal Could Mean a Change in Ticket Prices (Vinne Tong- Associated Press) The big news in music last week (after Radiohead’s pay what you want announcement) was Madonna’s move from Warner Music to Live Nation. The $120 million dollar deal gives Live Nation 360 coverage of Madonna’s work. They will handle her records, merchandise, and most importantly her ticket sales. Ticket sales are a major source of revenue now that the sale of actual music has been undercut by the internet. The rise of Live Nation also increases competition for ticket powerhouses like Ticketmaster and Clear Channel, but it’s unclear whether all of this will mean lower ticket prices when we decide to hit a show…

CMJ Kicks Off This Week (Melena Ryzik-New York Times) CMJ was once billed as the music festival where an unknown band could get in front of a legion of industry king makers and prove that they could be the next big thing. Now, with record companies losing big acts to innovative distribution models (see Radiohead, Madonna & Prince), loss of market share from file sharing and online stores, CMJ is evolving into a more of a networking, community building event. There will still be hundreds of bands playing in Manhattan, Brooklyn and New Jersey from now until Sunday. There is still the chance that some band that plays tonight will be on the cover of Rolling Stone next month, but the CMJ is changing, just like the rest of the music industry.

Gray Rape: The Line Between Sex and Rape? (Sewell Chan- New York Times) If you are too drunk or high to form words, or remember anything that happened to you, can you consent to sex? If you can’t consent to sex, and someone has sex with you, did they rape you? These questions were raised by Laura Sessions Stepp in the September Issue of Cosmopolitan Magazine. The situation is currently being referred to as ‘gray rape’, even though it is not a new phenomenon. The use of narcotics and spirits to lower sexual inhibitions might be as old as liquor itself. I wouldn’t actually be surprised if men in pre-historical times invented liquor just to get women drunk. The confusion with gray rape among lawmakers, police, and anti-rape activists stems from the rising sexual freedom among women. While the definitions of rape have not changed, behavior among men and women has, making things about as confusing as waking up in bed next to someone you don’t even remember meeting…

Gamal

The Reasons We Go Out (A NYN Editorial)

By Gamal Hennessy

People usually have reasons for why they do things. We go to work to make money. We eat because we’re hungry. We fall asleep on the train because we’re tired. We may not consciously know why we do certain things, but if we think about it, we can usually figure out the reason.

So why do we go out at night? It can deprive us of sleep, money and the chance to watch reality TV if we don’t turn on the TiVo. We put something into nightlife. Do we get anything out of it?

I think there are as many reasons for going out as there are people who go out. But after three years of non-scientific, anecdotal, and random observation, I’ve come up with seven broad categories to define why we go out. Six of them can be lumped under the concept of ‘having fun’, and one is just closer to work (but much better than being in the office). Take a look and figure out which category fits you best.

Consumption: (The things we take in)
For some people its beer. For others it’s dirty martinis. Some of us want to eat and some of us want things that the DEA would bust you for. It doesn’t really matter what your particular poison is, a big part of nightlife is about eating, drinking and smoking freely. The reason wine bars, micro brew bars, and hookah bars do so well is because we are willing to pay to satisfy our hunger to imbibe.

Connection: (The people we meet)
You meet a friend at a bar for a drink when she wants to talk. You go out for happy hour after work with your co-workers to bitch about your boss. You might have girl’s night out once a month. You might cruise the hotels bars for cougars. Humans are social creatures. We have a need to connect with one another. At work and at home, you are constrained in your behavior and limited in the people you can interact with. When you go out, the walls come down. You can talk and act more freely. You can meet people for a minute or forge bonds that last for years. The connection might be intense or shallow, but the energy is different at night.

Entertainment: (The things we see and hear)
The chance to see, hear or feel something is a huge part of nightlife. You might be listening to an unknown comic or garage band one night and part of the insane crowds at a Police or Danny Tenaglia concert the next night. Entertainment can be something as innocent as watching a baseball game at a local bar or as corrupt as the champagne room at a local strip club (actually, it can get worse than that, but you get the idea). It’s been said that one man’s porn is another man’s art, and no where is that more true than New York at night. What you want to see and hear at night actually says a lot about how you see yourself as a person.

Flash: (The wealth we display)
There are people who want to be seen spending big money on table service. They want you to see their Mercedes SUV. They want to drop a couple hundred on a cover to a place the rest of us may not be able to get into. The idea of a discount or happy hour makes them cringe. Why? Because they are living the glamorous life. Consumption here isn’t as important as being able to afford the consumption. If you have the money (or just want to look that way) you want the car, the clothes and the Grey Goose. What better place to display your status than in the clubs?

Obligation: (The social debt)
There are times that we go out when we don’t really want to. The client is in town from Kansas. Someone has to take them out. Tag, you’re it. You’re girlfriend’s brother is having a birthday party. She’s going, so you’re going. Tag, you’re it. You’re friend just got fired, dumped, rejected for the cast of Real World 37. They want you to meet them for a drink. Tag, you’re it. This is the only reason for going out that might not be fun, but compared to being stuck in your office or bored at home, it’s not that bad, is it?

Release: (The temporary escape)
Sometimes you need a break. You can’t sit in your cubical anymore. If your boss calls you one more time about TPS reports, you’re going to cut someone. You’ve tried to like Deal or No Deal and its just not working for you. You need to dance. You need to spend time with your friends. You need to get away from the desk and the Blackberry and the TV for a few hours. Going out isn’t as long as a vacation, but you don’t have to get frisked by Homeland Security to get into the club.

Sex: (The common theme)
Expressions of sexuality can be found in almost every aspect of nightlife. The clothing is tighter and more revealing. The conversation has more carnal energy. Inhibitions are lowered with alcohol. The movements on the dance floor don’t leave anything to the imagination. Nightlife is a sexual metaphor on a city wide scale. It can be simple or elaborate, fun or dangerous, satisfying or forgettable, mysterious or revealing, expensive or cheap, all at the same time. Maybe that’s why so many people keep coming back to it night after night.

Of course, many of these categories overlap. Any of us might have several goals on any given night, making any club night an exercise in multi-tasking. But if you think about why you go out, you’ll have a better idea of what kind of place you want to go to and finding the right place for you will be much easier.

Have fun.
Gamal